Serious, Funny, Clever, advice for newlyweds...?

My friend and I are making a book for our friends who are getting married. We are putting quotes, verses, phrases, etc. that have to do with being married into our book. This is a fun light-hearted gift and we would LOVE to include your advice...





So some of our topics are:





Making Love/ Baby Making





Cooking/ In the Kitchen





Dealing with In Laws/ Holidays





Communication





... whatever you got! THANKS!!Serious, Funny, Clever, advice for newlyweds...?
For the husband to always be happy he only needs to use two words: Yes Dear.





Another favorite: you'll get used to it !! This one can be used for anything the other one dislikes.





My husband wears the pants in our family, I just tell him what type and what color.





He rules the roost and I rule the rooster.Serious, Funny, Clever, advice for newlyweds...?
Its not worth a divorce to fight over who forgot the toothpaste cap.


Its not worth a divorce over socks on the floor.


Its not worth a divorce hes ten mins or even an hour late from work and didnt call.


Take notice, the woman is the glue of the relationship, she excuses the ';rules'; infractions, she supports him when hes home tired from work, she puts out his work clothes and has breakfast waiting for him, she treats him like the man she wishes him to continue to be.


Take notice, she will talk your ear off just smile and nod and agree, she needs you as a sounding board now that calling friends isnt as fun as discussing it with her ';singnificant other';.


He rubs her back when shes sore, rubs her temples to relieve her stress, brings home flowers occassionally she enjoys not only that your thinking of her, but the reminder all day and night you were thinking of her.


Dont expect to always communicate successfully, each needs to learn when to give in quickly to avoid a fight.
Start working TOGETHER in taking responsibility for and in doing the household chores, situations immediately.


ALL of them, REGARDLESS of perceived gender biases.





At some point in your life, your mate will NOT be available, and you will need to know how to do things on your own whether it be load the dishwasher, fix a flat, change a baby, mow a lawn, stitch a seam, catch a rat, sooth a upset child, deal with each other's parents, etc., etc., etc. alone--- Bank on it.
my husband helps me a lot in the kitchen by cleaning his plate after I cook.


when friends ask why you don't have children yet, tell them you are having too much fun trying.


always let your spouse give their opinion even though you are always right.


as far as the in laws, learn to laugh at their corny jokes and smile when you want to scream.


make love like there is no tomorrow, because there just might not be.
don't get him a big screen tv because thats all he will do : watch it.





throw him out the window (sorry something stupid that was in my mind for some random reason and i couldn't get it out of my head... don;t do that%26gt;..)





Good luck! :D
Communication: Don't sweat the small stuff. You're alive today...so live. Cooking: If it's stuck to the pan it's ';well done'; if it's raw in the middle it's ';European Cuisine.';
Instead of a notorious ';Penny Jar';, keep a ';Dollar Jar'; to track your lovemaking, then you'll have some cash for a trip on your one-year anniversary!
Being married is like living in California, when you find a fault, DON'T DWELL ON IT.
Classic: Happy wife, happy life.
May all your UP and DOWN... be UNDER THE SHEETS.
';Honey, Is the reason you want to get in my panties is because you sh** yours';?
How a husband apologizes: I am SO SORRY!!! With a serious expression and a sincere tone.





How my wife apologizes:


We were on a vacation staying with relatives. First we stayed with my sister and then my parents. The whole situation started at my sisters house. You see my niece was a teenager at the time and she had accidentally bought the wrong size panties at the mall so she gave them to our 8 year old daughter.





My daughter opened the package and put them in her suitcase without mentioning anything to anyone. Two days later, at my parents house, my wife decided to do laundry. She dumped my suitcase and my daughters suitcase into one big pile of clothes.





The next thing I knew my wife was standing in front of me holding a very small pair of pink panties and demanding to know ';who'; I was having an affair with. Now mind you - I have NEVER cheated on my wife. NEVER. So I was dumbfounded. I stammered and stuttered for a while. Then I looked closely at the panties - sized about right for an 8 year old girl. I said indignantly ';you aren't accusing me of having an affair, you are accusing me of being a child molester, look at the size of those things';. She said ';they were in your suitcase - explain that';. She thought they must have come from my suitcase - since they were a different style then those she bought for our daughter - so it never occurred to her they might have come from our daughters suitcase.





Finally she frowned and left the room. I went back to my computer a bit anxious and a LOT confused. A couple hours later she came back into the den where I was working and said ';I found out where those panties came from';. She then proceeded to explain the gift from our niece to our daughter. When she finished I asked: ';Do you have something to say to me';? Without missing a beat she replied in a firm and strong voice ';You are SOOO Lucky';.





So in our marriage, the wife apologizes by saying ';you are so lucky';.