Funny relationship advice for a newlywed guestbook?

Name as many things that you can that are funny, please =]Funny relationship advice for a newlywed guestbook?
';Appliances are for making meals, not whoopee - never buy an appliance for a gift for your wife!';Funny relationship advice for a newlywed guestbook?
never gain more weight than the ex- girlfriend or boyfriend.
Keep the spark and romance in your marriage -- never let things get so bad that you resort to ';hallway sex';. That's when you wake up, see your hubby coming out of the bathroom, and instead of saying ';Good morning';, he says, ';F... you!'; And you say back, ';F... you!';